Working Out and the Personal Trainer Myth.....

Last night was my first "real" workout back in the gym.

I did about 20 minutes of cardio and spent another 30 minutes lifting weights. I was shaky when I was done but I felt good. I did the one thing though when I got home that I should not have done. I sat down in front of the computer for an hour or two. I should have just gone to bed as I was tired, but I did not. So when I decided to stand up, oy was I in pain. 

I must make a mental note in the future to take some advil when I get home and if I want to watch tv to lay down instead of sitting with my knees all bent up underneath me.

Now on to my other thought Personal Trainers.

I would have loved to have one last night. I felt kind of lost in the gym and wondered what I should do next. Which then started me thinking about my past personal trainers. Do not get me wrong. I loved every single one of them. They held me accountable to my workouts. I made appointments with them to work out and this forced me to keep those appointments. If you flake on a friend they do not still charge you $50.00 an hour.

This started me to think. Where are my personal trainers now? You know the ones that promised to be there for me through my journey? What they failed to say was that promise was conditional and only was in affect for as long as I paid them.

See I have huge trust issues. If we were to categorize trust as a mountain range mine would be the Himalayas. 

I do not trust easily and I have a hard time letting people in close to who I actually am. 

And then there were my personal trainers. Let me stress this trainers. All in all I think I had a total six personal trainers. At one point I had two. One for Pilates and the other for straight cardio and weight training. 

These last two were the ones that promised to be part of my support group. They would be there for me. At least that is what I thought, I mean that is what they were saying. Surely they would not lie to me? I mean they wanted me to get healthy right? 

Nope. 

As soon as I was unable to pay them they no longer were part of my support group. I have not had them as a trainer for years and to this day neither one of them has contacted me to see how I am doing. Wait that is not true. I had one contact me about a year after I had stopped using them to see if I was ready to sign up for training again. I told them at that time I still could not afford a personal trainer and that was the last I heard from them. 

And I actually signed back up with the other (the one that taught Pilates) but that did not work out. See at the time I decided to hire her again I was working the over night shift at work. So I would work from between 10 and Midnight to around 7 or 9 am in the morning. I would then get off work. Go home and take a nap until 1ish get up, get ready to go work out, head to the gym, work out, and then come back and fall back to sleep at around 4ish and then get back up around 8 to get ready for work. 

This is how the schedule would have gone if it was actually ideal. 

But usually I would come home and sleep for a bit, get up and start getting ready to work out and then get a text message telling me that she needed to cancel for this or that. The best is having your training session cancelled so your trainer can go get their hair cut. She knew when we went through the motions of me becoming her client again that I would not be getting that much sleep. 

I understand that things come up and things needed to be changed around. But it was getting to the point that she was cancelling almost every other work out with me either due to this or that. Maybe it was her way of telling me that she did not want to be my trainer. I will never know because she did not come out and just say it. But I did come straight out and tell her that she was slowly killing me by cancelling on me at the last minute. Again keep in mind I was sleeping in about two different 3 to 4 hour blocks instead of having straight solid sleep. Her and I have not spoken to this day.

I guess basically what I am saying in this post is you do not need a personal trainer. They are nice and they can bust your ass in the gym. They will say they are there for you and that they are your support team. But as soon as you are unable to pay them to be that they will not be there for you.

So build up a support team that is there for YOU and not your money.

Doctors are deaf to the overweight....

So yesterday I went and had my yearly physcial. I thought that it would be a good idea before I headed back into the gym. The goal of working out is to loose weight and to keep my heart from exploding. It would be counter productive if my heart exploded while trying to loose weight.

Everything is fine with me. I am healthy and strong except for the excess weight I am carrying and a few minor ailments. But I am in my forties I think that can be expected.

The best news that I had though was the fact that I am continually loosing weight. A total of twenty pounds since September.

I lost a grand amount in September (13 lbs) in one week. Went back to Weight Watchers dutifilly cataloging everything that I ate and had no weight loss the next week. I went on a couple of weeks of screw this. And kind of had a pitty party for myself. So I am sure I gained some back. 

Once the pitty party was over I got back on the horse so to speak and have been going strong. I have dutifilly changed my diet. I no longer have the cravings for the things that I do not eat anymore.

Now here is were my doctor stopped listening to me yesterday. I have lost twenty pounds being inactive and changing my diet. My soul purpose for going to the doctor was to make sure that my body was medically sound to go back to working out. 

I told the doctor that I have lost twenty pounds in the past four months doing this, this, and this. Most doctors would go "keep up the good work you are doing what your body needs right now to loose weight". Instead this doctor looks at me and says "Before you leave let me give you a hand out for a diet that will work for you." Um okay. I am always open to new suggestions. Took the photocopied pages and left.


Last night while I was going through my things for the day I pulled out those pages and started reading them. Yeah she gave me a hand out for the Atkins diet. Sigh. Really. After I told you that I have stopped eating fast food, anything with white flour, and soda. That my morning breakfast consists of a greek yogurt and turkey slices. That during the day I make decisions to help with weight loss and if I cannot make up my mind I will duplicate the same meal for lunch or dinner. 

She evidently felt that my diet was in question. 


Yep because what I could currently be doing could not be what my body needs to loose weight? Which evidently it is because wait, it is actually loosing weight.


So in all honesty I will keep on doing what I have been doing and getting success.

If I could have any gift in the world....

I have been doing some serious thinking this week. And I WILL BE heading back to the gym. But not until after Wednesday. Heading to the doctor first just to make sure that I can head back to the gym.

But, I sit at home and watch The Biggest Looser all the time. I find inspiration in the journey's these people take. And want to know sometimes why I cannot do this. If you ask my family I can be as stubborn as they come when I set my mind to something. And some have even encouraged me to apply for the show. But, yeah, I have way to much stuff that I have no desire to share with a national audience.

I used to get so pissed when "life" came between me and my gym time. Somewhere I just gave up and it pisses me off. Hell there is an athlete trapped in the body I have now and I am constantly just looking at myself and saying "Jesus Christ what happened". But I need to find a new mantra one that inspires me. 

I need the anger that came when "life" interrupted my work out schedules back!!!

Today I am starting on Bob Harpers book. If you watch TBL you know who I am talking about. 

So right now my gift to myself would be courage.

The gift I would love if I could have it would be Bob Harper as my trainer. Even for just a week.

Ponderings

I have been busting my butt working on making myself a better version of me. How am I doing that? I am glad you asked.

Phase 1 - Cut out all fast food - accomplished - I have not eaten fast food since before Christmas

Phase 2 - Cut out all white flour - accomplished

Phase 3 - Cut out all sodas - almost accomplished but I love love love coffee now. And on occasion I will have a diet limeaide but it is not my favorite now. I am leaning more towards sparkling water.

Phase 4 - Start the workouts again. This I am working on.

Phase 5 - Need to find a therapist to discuss things with.

So things are going pretty good. I am not craving the fast food at all. 

I get a little bit grumpy when friends suggest fast food for a meal when we are going out. I just look at them and say "Um yeah I cannot eat that I do not eat fast food anymore." And usually the response is "It is only one time it will not hurt you." And I adamantly stand my ground. 

I honestly have had this discussion to myself about this. Really one time, it will not hurt me. But it is like an alcoholic or a drug addict trying to convince someone that one more drink or line will be ok. Because one leads to another and so on and so on. I just remember that burger I had (see previous post) and decide it is not worth it.

My water intake is up to about three liters of water a day. I am starting to think that this might be a little bit much as my body is eliminating a majority of it. So this I most likely might need to cut back a little.

So far I am on the right track.

Addiction why can it not be fun?

I realized that I have abandoned this journal.

Time to fix this.

I sit here and I am pondering Addiction and the power of it. 

I will admit that I have a severe food addiction. There is no denying it. After I go grocery shopping I sit at home and think about all the food that I have in the house. And it comes with great strain that I do not sit in front of my refrigerator and just eat the lot of it. It is sad but sometimes the food that I find the most satisfying lasts the least in this house.

Since my last post my eating habits have changed drasticly.

I no longer eat any form of fast food. It has been at least a month since all fast food was eatten except one time when my body was trying to tell me it was craving a hamburger. It was very wrong by the way. It was the most disgusting thing that I have eaten in a long long time. 

I do not think I have eaten Mc Donald's since before Thanksgiving.

My morning breakfast consists of a yogurt, 7 ounces of turkey meat and my vitamins for the day. I find that eating a breakfast high in protein last a lot longer than one full of crap. 


I have not eaten regular bread since New Years except for a sandwich or two. It is just not something that I am craving. Do not get me wrong I love bread and when I want it I do eat it. But I make it quality bread that is good for me as well.


A gym membership and numerous friends that belong to said gym has been acquired. I am now not without a work out partner when needed. Getting back into the swing of things will be hard. It is hard to look at myself now and remember that I used to be a competitive swimmer. I need to get back there I love just being in water.